"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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