Nicole vs. Life
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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