but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
