guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
