That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
