walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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