Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
