Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
