Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
