Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
