I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
