I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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