drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
that's an acceptable place to lick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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