I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
