the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
