It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
