Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
