ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
