Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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