1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
