I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
