8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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