yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
