If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
