Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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