on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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