Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
