i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
