you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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