i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
