Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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