I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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