Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
