We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
