the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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