Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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