last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
