you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize