Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
