Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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