She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
