It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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