I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He passed out mid-signature
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
