why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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