It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
