I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
