those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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