i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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