I'm really into asian looking animals
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
