i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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