I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
