dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
