Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
