i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
