I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
