I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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