is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize