I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
