Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
