I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
