There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this just has baby written all over it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
