I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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