New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
