Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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