the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The adults are the big ones right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
