Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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