Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
