8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
