hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
