So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
