If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
