I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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