i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize