Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
