I'm so fucking centered right now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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