I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
