idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
