Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
