im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
