On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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