The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
