The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize