i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
