I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
