The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
