we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
