Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
