make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
