I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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