im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
