Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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