Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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