is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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