So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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