its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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