He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
