I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
