Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
