oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
