I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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