I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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